Have you ever noticed how much time it takes to have a good Ugly Cry? I know that not everyone is like me, but I am the kind of person who tears up on a daily basis. I also cry regularly about losing Joy and about Al's current situation. But those episodes are usually short-lived because I get distracted by something in my crazy, busy life.
But when I do the Ugly Cry, I am breaking shit down from the past few weeks, months, or maybe even years. It's the junk that gets piled up and shoved into the back of the closet for far too long. I might sometimes peek in there and hang up a few coats or take out things that don't belong in there. But it's very rare that I empty the entire closet, but when I do, I weep at the mess around me because I don't know what to do with the rubble. That's how it is when I have an Ugly Cry. I pull all that junk out and cry about it, but because it was buried so deep, it hurts to yank it out by the roots, or maybe I happen to pull everything else out with it because it's all tangled together.
Here's the good part. I always feel better after an Ugly Cry. It's cathartic. It's refreshing. It makes me feel less weighed down by life. It resets my emotional balance. It makes everything seem just a little less daunting because I've let it all out of my brain and heart and released it to where it can dissipate.
The closet is tidyer when I put things back together, and it doesn't feel so overwhelming anymore.
Sadly, I know how to push the Ugly Cry down. I know how to make it go away again and again when I don't have time to deal with it. It might creep up at the end of the day, but I'm ready to relax and watch some TV or play a game.
Not now, Ugly Cry, can't you see I'm watching Netflix?
And to be perfectly honest, I rarely have 45 minutes or so to devote to Ugly Cry. That's all the time it takes for me. Maybe you don't Ugly Cry at all, and I have to wonder: What kind of creature are you? How are we friends?
When I was younger, especially in high school, I used to cry for hours on end. I would literally put on the saddest, sappiest break-up songs (Air Supply, anyone?) to make myself cry. But now I'm an adult and I don't have that much time at my disposal, and if I did, I'd probably go and get a pedicure.
Back then, I was usually crying over unrequited love. But now I'm crying over real pain: Death, disability, dysfunction. Still, I can knock that shit out in under an hour because I can't waste too much time on this soul-sucking grief shit.
I've gotten much more efficient throughout the years. I'm getting better and letting Ugly Cry out often enough so that it doesn't become truly overwhelming.
Ugly Cry is part of my mental health regimen.
How about you?
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